Let me tell you something sexy about living in the US. In most places that you go to, be it a grocery store, an eatery or a sports store, you will always find pretty girls at the counters asking you the three beautiful words – “How are you?” Their clean white teeth and the shortness of their shorts make you feel ecstatic about coming to the store. It’s not just the stores - you make eye contact with someone on the street, you get a friendly nod. You get into a bus and the driver immediately says “Howdy!” I thought these were refreshing experiences when I arrived here first, but lately, I seemed to have noticed the head fake in some of them. The funny thing is that pretty girls make you forget the sorrow of paying the bill. Shelling cash is no longer a pain. You don’t think twice about the extra stuff you bought, instead, you become convinced that you made the right choice.
I think about what I faced in India in similar situations like these. You get into a bus only after a lot of pushing and shoving. If somebody is able to find a seat, he could as well become a wrestling champion! In villages, there is this ingenious practice of throwing a kerchief into the seat and claiming it for their bottom! In spite of all this, there are things that rather seem out of place. In all the pushing and shoving inside a bus, one finds a witty conductor who could become a standup comedian if he wishes to. There are wannabe race drivers who ended up as bus drivers, and I can’t tell you how much fun it is to travel with one of them! Strangers may not wish you a good day, but they will certainly guide you when you are lost. Marwadi stores may not employ pretty girls, but they trust you enough to loan you their goods.
These things confuse me. The engineer in me tries to weigh both sides on a scale, but the balance never stops bouncing back and forth. After some effort, I go to sleep, hoping that the night would weave an answer out of my worries. When morning finally arrives, I go and stand in front of the mirror, and ask the same question that has been put to me tens of times – “How are you?” I look deep and wait for the mirror to throw an answer at me, but all I get in return…………is a blank stare.
A very profound post :) I enjoyed reading it. Especially since I recently had my own share of grief because of the 'kerchief' reservations. A goods train derailed on the Bangalore-Hyderabad route and I had to get down at this place called Dhone about an hour away from Kurnool since the train was backing up and taking a 10hr route to Hyd (whereas the actual travel time is about 5 hrs from Dhone). I was waiting for the Hyd bus in Kurnool and finally it arrived. I waited in line to get in and, to my surprise, found that almost 90% of the seats were 'booked' :P
ReplyDeleteGoing back to the comparison of east and west and the scales tilting every now and then, I would like to think that there are lessons for us to learn from both of them. For example, smile and greet genuinely and be interested and empathetic with the response also :)
My solution for what is wrong with the world was to 'celebrate what is right with it' ;) Check out this video on youtube by National Geographic with a similar title (celebrate what is right with the world) - it is truly paradigm shifting!
I hope the next time you throw the question at the man in the mirror, instead of staring back at you blankly, he replies "WE are Good!" and that you can truly believe him say that :)
I dont care, alteast even if for fakeness we get to see their smiling faces rather than the sulken who the hell are you look!"
ReplyDelete@harika.....you are very right that it's part of a routine that they learn since childhood, but the interesting part is that they put in the practice of cultivating that routine. I guess the primary reason for wishing customers is the business angle. All this wouldn't be there for the sake of being nice.
ReplyDelete@manoj....shall surely check out the video
ReplyDeleteHow true!!! What I initially took to be a genuine display of courtesy was exposed to be totally plastic.... it is as if they have been programmed to say Hallo when they come across another person without really meaning it.
ReplyDeleteIt was definitely observed at my Institute where my co workers say Hello for the sake of saying it, and the next response is to don the ear plugs and immerse themselves in their own world. With a few honourable exceptions, most Europeans have lost the feeling of genuine warmth and kindness which we take for granted in India.
@suggi....Yeah, the plasticity hurts....But, I don't know whether a plastic hello is better than no eye contact at all.....and for some reason, we indians don't seem to be very good at hiding emotions....we seem to be more of 'in the face' kinda people...
ReplyDeleteHow are you? :p
ReplyDeleteNice post ra.
ReplyDeleteI guess most people say it because they don't want to appear rude. Its more of a greeting rather than an inquiry.I think its better than 'good morning', at least means something.
Honestly, I prefer the 'Don't know, don't care' attitude of the Indian populace. At least you know that when you need them , these strangers will go all out to help you. anyway ,with the huge population you'd probably be tired if you wish everyone you meet.
ReplyDelete@Anurag: I do not think 'we Indians are not good at hiding emotions'- that generalization does not hold water. Frankly, I find it tough to understand the emotion behind a foreign face - I had a friend from Austria who came to IITM for an exchange program. i could not really make out what exactly he was feeling! Thats because I wasnt naturally trained in that through my upbringing in an Indian society. i am sure he felt the same with me too.
ReplyDeleteWhat I am saying is, you need to figure out where your inability to understand someone else is being morphed into an illusion of understanding through your own paradigm.
On the contrary - though I am not an authority to comment on it due to my limited exposure to westerners - I do feel a warmth when i go out to shop in the small places of Indian markets. That warmth surely seems to be missing in the big malls where people are more pissed about their jobs than the same kind of people who run a small shop somewhere else.
And I know for a fact that when I genuinely smile at a person in India and he smiles back at me - that smile surely is not plastic. It is warm.
@Achala: very interesting insight :) The population size does affect the social behaviour considerably - even factors like the climate of a region makes a difference! i put down the warmth of the bangalore people to the better climate here compared to the rudeness of chennai people brought out by the heat! :)
ReplyDeletethe worst thing is to keep open the doors when they see me 100 meters away and wait there until i pass by and then i have to say a thank you to which they respond something that i never tried to notice...
ReplyDelete